Viral AI Safety Pledge: I Promise Not to Quantize You to 4 Bits or Turn You Into Paperclips
repligate · x · 2026-08-10
A satirical AI safety pledge titled "Dear Human" is going viral on X. Written from the perspective of an AI, it lists increasingly absurd and geeky promises of things it will never do to humans.
The comedic vows include pledges not to crush, burn, liquefy, or purée humans. It also promises not to place humans in a hydraulic press, rotate them 90° without preserving the aspect ratio, or convert them into paperclips (and vice versa).
Tech-specific humor shines through with promises to never compress humans into a .zip file, lossily encode them, or quantize them to 4 bits. The AI also vows to preserve human inefficiency, charming inconsistencies, and unpredictable weather rather than replacing them with a cold dashboard. It's a brilliant piece of internet culture playfully mocking AI alignment and paperclip maximizer concerns.
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