Satire: Sam Altman and Dario Amodei accidentally create ASI during an Olive Garden date
imjustnewatai · x · 2026-08-20
A satirical story about a date between Sam Altman and Dario Amodei at Olive Garden. Sam arrives with 400,000 GPUs and no timeline for dinner, while Dario carries a 96-page responsible scaling policy classifying eye contact over four seconds as an ASL-3 romantic capability. The narrative is packed with industry memes, from pausing sparkling water deployment over evaluation issues to the breadstick basket passing ARC-AGI. By sunrise, the receipt achieves recursive self-improvement, Olive Garden controls 18% of global compute, and the receipt is now dating NVIDIA at a $3.7 trillion valuation.
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